Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Give a man a sub-prime fish loan and you're in business, buddy.

God works in mysterious ways but at least he works, he's never on welfare in a mysterious way.

Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.

Internet users, that blue screen of death you were looking at this morning? That's the sky. If you're still confused, look it up on Wikipedia tomorrow.

It would be a very short pint. It would be gummy bears and matzah, and be called Chewy Jewy.

I'm a satirist, so I've got boxing gloves on if the person is worthy of satire. But I'm not an assassin.

This is America. We must defend the principles symbolized by Lady Liberty - unless she's on the pill, in which case, she is a giant green tramp.

Don't cry over spilled milk. By this time tomorrow, it'll be free yogurt.

An apple a day keeps anyone away, if you throw it hard enough.

Contrary to what people may say, there's no upper limit to stupidity.

What does Karl Marx put on his pasta? Communist Manipesto!

God leaves footprints wherever He goes

The subconscious mind is shielding or showing numerous potential paths, based on what it determines would represent a consistent reality for you.

The violence of language consists in its effort to capture the ineffable and, hence, to destroy it, to seize hold of that which must remain elusive for language to operate as a living thing.

You don't get older, you get better.

Nonsense! The most hopelessly stupid man is he who is not aware that he is wise.

'Adapt and overcome' is my new motto.

I'm gonna live forever, or die trying.

No one can take away your pain, so don't let anyone take away your happiness.

The earth is blue like an orange.

I am the first to admit I have made a couple of mistakes: two trips to rehab, Rudebox, the album, Geri Halliwell. I should have gone for Victoria, really, shouldn't I? I'd have been really famous.