Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Give a man Twitter, and he will forget to eat and starve to death.

As we go from Abraham Lincoln to Theodore Roosevelt to Mitt Romney, I now understand why the Republicans don't believe in evolution.

I've invented Twofacebook, the antisocial network. You start being friends w/entire world & defriend people one by one.

Other countries care for their mentally ill. Making them debate on TV is just cruel.

The baby Jesus was the last homeless person the Republicans liked.

Call me a dreamer, but I think it would be great if getting medical attention were as easy as getting a gun.

It would be nice to spend billions on schools and roads, but right now that money is desperately needed for political ads.

Maybe this is crazy, but I think the right to own a gun is trumped by the right not to be shot by one.

If its platform is any guide, the Republican party is staunchly pro-life until you are actually born.

The only possible reason the Republicans have declared a war on women is they must think women have oil.

If Mark Twain had had Twitter, he would have been amazing at it. But he probably wouldn't have gotten around to writing Huckleberry Finn.

What we call the Lord's prayer is actually the Disciple's Prayer because It says "Forgive us our trespasses" and Our LORD Jesus had no sin. Selah

For your information, I do love you. Although at times like this I have to wonder why.

Women today are dealing with both their independence and also the fact that their lives are built around finding and satisfying the romantic models we grew up with.

A friend is worth all hazards we can run.

I'm a big Germs fan; most people are.

One thing I really, truly believe in is having something greater than myself to be grateful to.

People like to see honest persons. So I certainly will advise many young people who want to participate in politics, honesty is the best policy.

The only soap of a dirty society is the clean men; only the clean can wash the grimy!

Just because food is served fast doesn't mean it has to be made with cheap raw ingredients, highly processed with preservatives and fillers and stabilizers and artificial colors and flavors.

If you want to hire great people and have them stay, you have to be run by ideas, not hierarchy. The best ideas have to win.