Give me a glazed doughnut, and a bottle of anything... to go!

I used to jog but the ice cubes kept falling out of my glass.

Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I would just like to say that after all these years of heavy drinking, bright lights and late nights, I still don't need glasses. I drink right out of the bottle.

If you subtracted all of the great artists who never drank, who never went to excess, you wouldn't have any more art left. What kind of poem are you gonna get out of a glass of iced tea?

The perfect woman has an IQ of 150, wants to make love until 4 in the morning, then turns into a pizza!

When I die, sprinkle my ashes over the 80's.

I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault and I have no faults.

Remember, life is just a game and no one gets out alive

If you want to split a bottle with a friend, then Sammy Hagar is your guy. If you want to split your friend with a bottle than give me a call.

If you put a Van Halen album in your record collection, it will melt all the rest of your records.

God made every man to have power to be mightier than the events round about him; to hold by his firm will the reigns by which all things are guided.

I hesitate to deposit money in a bank. I am afraid I shall never dare to take it out again

Ive tried to write deep and serious. I spent years working to write a story that would make my writing group cry.

When God forgave me, I figured I'd better do it too.

It affords me sincere pleasure to be able to apprise you of the entire removal of the Cherokee Nation of Indians to their new homes west of the Mississippi.

There are some things I like about L.A. You can have a really healthy lifestyle, and I love running with the dogs on the beach. It's just the social scene is horrific!

If you learn indoor techniques, you will think narrowly and forget the true Way. Thus you will have difficulty in actual encounters.

Meditation is a flower and compassion is its fragrance.

...they'd just tell you to turn the other cheek, wouldn't they?...Trouble is, Mrs. Dowdel observed, after you've turned the other cheek four times, you run out of cheeks.

Finding beauty in a broken world is creating beauty in the world we find.