Given enough coffee I could rule the world

There's a saying that all roads lead to Ankh-Morpork. And it's wrong. All roads lead away from Ankh-Morpork, but sometimes people just walk along them the wrong way.

The worst thing you can do is nothing.

There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach small children this.

Rincewind had always been happy to think of himself as a racist. The One Hundred Meters, the Mile, the Marathon -- he'd run them all.

Rincewind could scream for mercy in nineteen languages, and just scream in another forty-four.

Tourist, Rincewind decided, meant ‘idiot.

...and the funny thing was that people who weren't entirely certain they were right always argued much louder than other people, as if the main person they were trying to convince were themselves.

The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.

I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro.

You never knew about people, like you never knew how deep a pond was because all you saw was the top.

Boy handing over his report card: Of course I seem stupid to my teachers . . . they're all college graduates.

A sloth once whispered in my ear and told me that when he is clinging to branches he closes his eyes and imagines that he's still a baby holding on to his mama.

Right now I'm just thinking about school and trying to get those grades and keep them up! In case I become a Norma Desmond when I grow up, I can have something to fall back on!

Operation Iraqi Freedom is over, and the Iraqi people now have lead responsibility for the security of their country

I occupy much of my time in theological studies for which I have a natural inclination.

If Robert Benchley and Dorothy Parker had teamed up to write epic fantasy, something like Split Heirs might have resulted.

What can we do but keep on breathing in and out, modest and willing, and in our places?

Be prepared for disappointment and frustration. Be persistent and bounce back even more determined to succeed.

How many lessons of faith and beauty we should lose, if there were no winter in our year!

Innumerable actions are going on through us all the time. If we started counting them, we should never come to an end.