Gluten free pizza elicits the same response at a hollywood party that a pile of cocaine did in the 80's.

James Franco, acting, teaching, directing, writing, producing, photography, soundtracks, editing - is there anything you can do?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is the most afraid of getting ruffied? It's like relax. YOU can take the coaster off your drink. There are at least three of us in line ahead of you.

Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing.

Justin's fan are called Beliebers because it's politically incorrect to use the word retards.

I'm not saying Martha Stewart is old, but she needs a new Walker more than the 'Fast and Furious' franchise.

College seems like a pretty expensive way to become an alcoholic.

If Jesus had known that his image would end up on Justin Bieber's calf, he would've never started Christianity.

Why does every flight attendant seem like they are going through a divorce?

Have you ever noticed that your ugliest friend is most afraid of being raped?

Having a baby is like a DUI from the universe.

Destiny, if I could sit across the porch from God, I'd thank Him for Lending me you.....

Despereaux was reading the story out loud to himself. He was reading from the beginning so that he could get to the end...

Politics is concerned with herds rather than with individuals, and the passions which are important in politics are, therefore, those in which the various members of a given herd can feel alike.

Sometimes indifference can be so erotic. I think the people who are most dismissive of you get the most of your attention.

If you watch tonight's show, I believe you know that I believe we're heading into deep and treacherous waters.

Great women belong to history and to self-sacrifice, not to the annals of a stage, however dignified.

There are people who actually like programming. I dont understand why they like programming.

At the age of nineteen and a half, I went to the Land of Israel to till its soil and live by the labour of my hands. As I did not find work, I sought my livelihood elsewhere.

I'm still tap dancing. I'm still going.

Its so important to understand your good attendance ups your chances of graduating.