Gluttony and surfeiting are no proper occasions for thanksgiving.

Cards are war, in disguise of a sport.

All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

The greatest pleasure I know, is to do a good action by stealth, and to have it found out by accident.

Here cometh April again, and as far as I can see the world hath more fools in it than ever.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

How some they have died, and some they have left me, And some are taken from me; all are departed; All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

I have had playmates, I have had companions; In my days of childhood, in my joyful school days - All, all are gone, the old familiar faces.

A poor relation—is the most irrelevant thing in nature.

How convalescence shrinks a man back to his pristine stature! where is now the space, which he occupied so lately, in his own, in the family's eye?

For God's sake (I never was more serious) don't make me ridiculous any more by terming me gentle-hearted in print.

I'm open to everything. When you start to criticize the times you live in, your time is over.

Reasons get forgotten.

I think audiences deserve the benefit of the doubt. I prefer to be surprised by them rather then just assume they'll react negatively to any new idea.

Well, the attractive thing about the subject of happiness is that it is notoriously difficult to write.

If the studios paid the artists, how would they ever be able to afford the executives?

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

You always find things you didn't know you were going to say, and that is the adventure.

Every picture paints a thousand words and that one said 'goodbye'

Art has got nothing to do with taste.

We must fear God out of love, not love Him out of fear.