Go jogging? And get hit by a meteor?

We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

The free-lance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.

Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

There is no such place as Budapest. Perhaps you are thinking of Bucharest, and there is no such place as Bucharest, either.

Never tease anything that wants to eat you." Reign of Blood

I wish life were a fiction novel. Then everyone would have to do what I say.

Ultimate influence is the ability to get the results you want from others while helping them feel genuinely good about themselves.

I think it's probably much easier to do political comedy from a two-party point of view, in that the majority have some sense of what it means to be one or the other.

Your poems are of interest to mankind; your liver isn't. Drink till you write well and feel sick. Bless your poems and be damned to you.

I don't want to be in a movie with 20 minutes of dialogue and then stand around while the robots start explosions.

Don't hold on to religion and miss the joy of knowing Jesus.

Meanings are translatable. Words are untranslatable… More briefly – a word is translatable, its sound is not.

I have realized why corrupt politicians do nothing to improve the quality of public school education. They are terrified of educated voters.

Music is meaningless noise unless it touches a receiving mind.