God bless America. But God, please help Canada.

Screw normal. You know why? 'Cause if you're normal, the crowd will accept you. But if you're deranged, the crowd will make you their leader.

Everyone has an enemy. It's why God gave us baseball bats. Well, He gave us trees, but we knew what He meant.

I don't fail. I succeed at finding out what doesn't work.

Take the time to smell the roses. Sooner or later, you'll inhale a bee and die.

The normal make a living. The deranged make history.

I think when you sit alone with your brain too much, your own brain starts to rebel against you.

Socrates said, the unexamined life is not worth living. My dad said, Booty - mmm mmm.

I don't believe in right or left; I don't believe in Santa or Satan. I believe in things I can touch - like vodka and Oreos.

Anyone can have a relationship but if you're dating a woman who's so crazy in bed that if you aren't wearing your Kevlar one night you might never see daylight again... that's exciting.

The only thing that ever made me want to be a wife-beater is being called one. Your honor, can I have five minutes to make her not a liar, please?

Her eyes are liquid and draining out of her.

Illegal immigrants are already a very big problem for us. We are already taking big steps to disallow illegal immigrants from coming in.

My only agenda for the next two years is the same as the one I’ve had since the day I swore an oath on the steps of this Capitol — to do what I believe is best for America.

It's my experience that endings are never easy, and I think I'm not alone among filmmakers or writers in this.

I think Muslims have become the new Negroes in America. They are being mistreated at airports, by the Immigration - everywhere. Islam is a religion of peace. They are wrong.

He who votes does not have power. He who counts the votes has power.

Those who claim absolutism is merely a myth are right that it has been misused simply as a byword for political centralisation.

Is it not, then, better to be ridiculous and friendly than clever and hostile?

This is the way the world ends, not with a bang, but a whimper.

The Bible is the voice of God in print.