God created whiskey to keep the Irish from taking over the world.

I even went so far as to become a Southern Baptist for a while, until I realized that they didn't hold 'em under long enough.

Money can buy you a fine dog, but only love can make him wag his tail.

I admit I was drinking a Guinness... but I did not swallow.

And I think musicians can better run this state than politicians. And, hell, beauticians can better run the state than politicians.

Musicians can run this state better than politicians. We won't get a lot done in the mornings, but we'll work late and be honest.

Poly means more than one, and ticks are bloodsucking parasites.

Well, I just said that Jesus and I were both Jewish and that neither of us ever had a job, we never had a home, we never married and we traveled around the countryside irritating people.

I just want Texas to be number one in something other than executions, toll roads and property taxes.

When a stray animal crosses your path, it may be as close to God as you're going to get in this lifetime.

People may surprise you with unexpected kindness. Dogs have a depth of loyalty that often we seem unworthy of. But the love of a cat is a blessing, a privilege in this world.

Who is considered as reputable in God’s language? The one who can do ‘world’s salvation’ just through his eyes!

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

Dawn was breaking, like the light from another world.

There lived a singer in France of old By the tideless dolorous midland sea. In a land of sand and rain and gold There shone one woman, and none but she.

It's not the work or the personality of the founder of a religion that's important, but what its followers do with what they learn.

I would guess, I would surmise that some of the more spectacular bombings are done by al Qaeda suiciders.

I never played a musical instrument growing up but I knew kids who did and took it very seriously.

We've got some new ways to make slaves here.

I was very far away. My real life had gone underground and could not be seen by anybody. The person at the surface that everybody saw was no longer me.

The harder you work for money, the more you are taxed, the harder your money works, the less it is taxed.