God did not put you on this earth simplest to be any person's mom.

Lobster is not going to be as tasty with ice tea unless that ice tea is from Long Island.

I remember I was in music class, I was a senior in high school, and my music teacher was like, "You should be a stand-up comic, you could imitate anyone.

My dad always said to go for my hobby and used to commend me for my excellent judgement so i try to do the similar for my children.

In my day we used to have pray to run into an ex looking great, but now you just post a selfie in your underwear.

I thought that unless people know me, they wouldn't find me funny.

My music teacher told me that she didn't even know why I was going to college - I should be a stand-up.

The most important thing as a comic and a creator is to have a robust standpoint.

It’s impossible to know what sin is if we don’t know what God says.

You could not stop the winds and you could not stop Time. It went on and on, -and on.

Just … isn’t giving up allowed sometimes? Isn’t it okay to say, ‘This really hurts, so I’m going to stop trying’?

I think that there is something beautiful about mortality. It makes our decisions mean more.

You have to be smart enough to see the world for yourself and honest. The whole book-publicity thing is not really honest, at base.

It's better for me to play with guys because Rock 'n' Roll has such an aggressive attitude

No time in history has the Church of Jesus Christ gone down!

Now we just really need to do the work, which we're doing, to get contraceptives out to women worldwide.

I have long been convinced that institutions purely democratic must, sooner or later, destroy liberty or civilization, or both.

The war is relentless: it puts the alternative in a ruthless relief: either to perish, or to catch up with the advanced countries and outdistance them, too, in economic matters.