God has no role to play in politics except to make sure politicians go where they belong. To hell.

Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.

There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.

Mercedes Benz : A mechanical device that increases sexual arousal in women.

Tabasco sauce is to bachelor cooking what forgiveness is to sin.

A firm, hearty handshake gives a good first impression, and you'll never be forgiven if you don't live up to it.

At the core of liberalism is the spoiled child — miserable, as all spoiled children are, unsatisfied, demanding, ill-disciplined, despotic and useless. Liberalism is a philosophy of sniveling brats.

There's a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

Even very young children need to be informed about dying. Explain the concept of death very carefully to your child. This will make threatening him with it much more effective.

Watching Republicans in Washington is like watching lemmings, if lemmings jumped into cesspools instead of off cliffs. Splash! There goes Mark Foley!

Authority has always attracted the lowest elements in the human race

Never blame anyone in life. The good people give you happiness. The worst people give you a lesson. The best people give you memories.

Hey, Nana... people's feelings change easily... what you see is a house of cards... nothing's sure, and nothing lasts forever.

When desire dies, fear is born.

I like Los Angeles. So many artistic people, and I just love the weather.

I love California. I love Hollywood.

I have a confession: I'm not a man of simplicity. I spent my entire early career making complex stuff. Lots of complex stuff.

I come to Maui and go surfing, standup paddling, slacklining, swimming, and free-diving.

Don't all the girls get prettier at closing time?

When I am not writing, I'm dying.