God is a comedian whose audience is afraid to laugh.

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.

The demagogue is one who preaches doctrines he knows to be untrue to men he knows to be idiots.

The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary.

Morality is doing what is right, no matter what you are told. Religion is doing what you are told, no matter what is right.

Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats.

Democracy is a pathetic belief in the collective wisdom of individual ignorance.

The urge to save humanity is almost always a false front for the urge to rule.

It is inaccurate to say that I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses.

Having money is a way of being free of money

Every prayer victory makes it easier to believe the next time.

Unknowingly, he prepared me to survive the rest of my days with the way he shielded himself from emotional vulnerabilities that slowly destroy the rest of us.

Every man's conscience is vile and depraved / You cannot depend on it to be your guide when it’s you who must keep it satisfied.

Give yourself an impossible task and solve it - then you've got a really good story.

Your grades are not your destiny: they're just letters and numbers which rate how well you performed in one artificial arena, once.

we write as if our lives depended upon it. They do.

A kiss brings back the youth of a young child, as when a hug brings back the memories of a lover.

Sorrow is a stone that crushes a single bearer to the ground, while two are able to carry it with ease.

With any character I have played there’s infinite possibilities for how they might behave, depending on who they are talking to or how they react to things.