God is the great janitor of the universe. Why things don't work is that we have a janitor in charge, and we keep looking for the landlord.

Memories are bullets. Some whiz by and only spook you. Others tear you open and leave you in pieces.

The place looks like where David Lynch would meet Beaver Cleaver's mom for secret afternoons of bondage and milkshakes.

I'm steel-toed boots in a ballet-slipper world.

That's what Glocks are. High-precision killing machines that scream "Daddy Issues.

He wore his fear on his skin for everyone to see.

When you jump off a cliff, is it better to land on jagged rocks or burning lava? I know this one. The answer is obvious: It doesn't matter where you land. You just jumped off a cliff.

Enemies will kill you with a knife in the back. Friends will kill you with kindness. Either way you're dead.

I came ready to fight Genghis Khan and I walk in on a shut-in playing the biggest Dungeons and Dragons game in history.

If Jesus was a bartender, He would still only be half as cool as Carlos.

No wonder Sherlock Holmes did all that coke. Math is hard.

A few blossoms float into the room. They drop like frayed yellow ribbons on the gray carpet.

Friends confront each other sometimes, and sometimes the friendship lasts, and sometimes it doesn't.

I see my face in the mirror and go, 'I'm a Halloween costume? That's what they think of me?'

I come from the very heart of America.

Don't be gloomy. Even if you are not happy, put a smile on your face. [Life is about] joy,... something to be happy and excited about.

Uh I like it like that She working that back, I don't know how to act

It takes more energy to maintain mediocrity than it takes to pursue excellence.

Music is one of the only inanimate things we have left. It can still be mystical, magical and awe-inspiring

Despair young and never look back.

In fact, it's even true to say that if you want to have a truly amazing life, relax your entire body.