God made nightButMan made darkness.

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all the people some of the time, which is just long enough to be president of the United States.

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it's all in perfect working order.

I can speak Esperanto like a native.

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, get it out with Optrex.

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

Chopsticks are one of the reasons the Chinese never invented custard.

How long was I in the army? Five foot eleven.

Said Hamlet to Ophelia, I'll draw a sketch of thee. What kind of pencil shall I use? 2B or not 2B?

We haven't got a plan so nothing can go wrong!

Writing poetry is a state of free float

My dogs love me. Of course, by love I mean poop and by me I mean everywhere.

I have not the least doubt that school developed in me nothing but what was evil and left the good untouched.

The church's or Christian group's methods are as important as its message.

For thogh we slepe, or wake, or rome, or ryde, Ay fleeth the tyme; it nyl no man abyde.

Seek in reading and thou shalt find in meditation; knock in prayer and it shall be opened in contemplation.

We are all called to be great saints, don't miss the opportunity.

A stubborn mind conduces as little to wisdom or even to knowledge, as a stubborn temper to happiness

I don't think I could have written what I did any earlier.

Charity is love; not all love is charity.