Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

My swing is so bad I look like a caveman killing his lunch.

Pressure is playing for ten dollars when you don't have a dime in your pocket.

You can make a lot of money in this game. Just ask my ex-wives. Both of them are so rich that neither of their husbands work.

I'm going to win so much money this year, my caddie will make the top twenty money-winners list.

The older I get, the better I used to be.

You're Mexican until you make money and then you're Spanish.

I'm not saying my golf game went bad, but if I grew tomatoes, they'd come up sliced.

If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron. Not even God can hit a 1-iron.

There are two things you can do with your head down - play golf and pray.

You don't know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket.

When what you want is a relationship, and not a person, get a dog.

Let love make your spirit grow.

Though we think we see different things from our windows, in reality we see the same things: Happiness and sorrow! All that is seen from every window!

Water is sufficient...the spirit moves over water.

There is a Pirate in every one of us.

If the young only knew if the old only could.

With Carmina Burana, my collected works begin.

When God is in sharp focus, then life is also undistorted.

Some fans understand who I am and why I do things, and then there are some fans that have formed an opinion that I don't feel is who I am.

I regard consciousness as fundamental. I regard matter as a derivative of consciousness.