Good kids are like sunsets. We take them for granted.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

It is about time to see within us a real change and let it happen as we have made before we start.

Take a moral inventory of ways you may be self-sabotaging and then take proactive steps to change them.

Great triumphs of engineering genius—the locomotive, the truss bridge, the steel rail— ... are rather invention than engineering proper.

I like to see a man proud of the place in which he lives. I like to see a man live so that his place will be proud of him.

I didn't know about the Bond girl thing. I was approached very quickly, boom, boom, boom, it happened.

You were created on purpose for a purpose. There is a thirst and hunger in your heart that is real. Pay attention to it.

The goal is not to simulate reality right now by going crazy. The goal is to prepare for reality by going slowly

Vertical thought likes to imagine the vast distances between the stars.

The only unnatural sexual behavior is none at all.

Some memories are realities, and are better than anything that can ever happen to one again.