Good thing we've still got politics in Texas - finest form of free entertainment ever invented.

I prefer someone who burns the flag and then wraps themselves up in the Constitution over someone who burns the Constitution and then wraps themselves up in the flag.

On the whole, I prefer not to be lectured on patriotism by those who keep offshore maildrops in order to avoid paying their taxes.

What we have here, fellow citizens, is a crassly egocentric, raving twit.

It's like, duh. Just when you thought there wasn't a dime's worth of difference between the two parties, the Republicans go and prove you're wrong.

It is possible to read the history of this country as one long struggle to extend the liberties established in our Constitution to everyone in America.

Satire is traditionally the weapon of the powerless against the powerful. I only aim at the powerful. When satire is aimed at the powerless, it is not only cruel -- it's vulgar.

If you ever get to the place where injustice doesn't bother you, you're dead.

One thing that corporations do not do is give out money out of the goodness of their hearts.

I know: "Guns Don't Kill People." But I suspect that they have something to do with it. If you point your finger at someone and say, "Bang, bang, you're dead," not much actually happens.

How the American right managed to convince itself that the programs to alleviate poverty are responsible for the consequences of poverty will someday be studied as a notorious mass illusion.

Look at that party the other night. Everybody wanted to have a good time and tried real hard but we all woke up the next day feeling sorta sad and separate.

Let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.

We are not sure what we will become, only what we want to and don’t want to. We often become what we never thought we could, then we become fine with that.

Allow me to assure you, that suspicion and jealousy never did help any man in any situation.

You need to feel good about your life. Winning is a great idea, but you can get stuck in it too. It's just another way of looking at life, an idea. You need to renew yourself and your spirit.

If you were happy every day of your life you wouldn't be a human being, you'd be a game show host.

I'm a hopeless romantic. I consider myself a realistic person who usually finds stories from real life people.

The heart is the mainspring.

We are totally dysfunctional.” “I prefer ‘selectively deviant’. But we’ll keep that to ourselves.

What sticks to memory, often, are those odd little fragments that have no beginning and no end.