Gossip is vice enjoyed vicariously - the sweet, subtle satisfaction without the risk.

Of all the home remedies, a good wife is best.

Next to a circus there ain't nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.

Nobody can be as agreeable as an uninvited guest.

The fellow that owns his own home is always just coming out of a hardware store.

The safe way to double your money is to fold it over once and put it in your pocket.

Nobody ever forgets where he buried the hatchet.

If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest.

The fellow that agrees with everything you say is either a fool or he is getting ready to skin you.

The hardest thing is to take less when you can get more.

It is pretty hard to tell what does bring happiness; poverty and wealth have both failed.

Sometimes I get so sad that it jest sounds good.

Serve the Lord, do not look for excuses

It may hurt today, but it will get better. Time passes, and people forget. It won't be long before you'll be able to look back on everything that happened today and laugh.

Never take literally what is said out of anger! They are said just to hurt you – sometimes the opposite could be true!

Religion has the right to express its opinion in the service of the people, but God in creation has set us free: it is not possible to interfere spiritually in the life of a person.

Pens carry further than rifled cannon.

Olympians are the product of the Movement, and to get them to the stadiums, pools and playing fields, it takes the actions of legions of people who might not be Olympians.

My take on celebrity is simply that some of us have to make a bigger fool of ourselves than others.

You don't protect Mark McGwire. The only way to protect him is hit 70 homers yourself.

All the learning in the world cannot replace instinct.