Gossip is when you hear something you like about someone you don't.

If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

This would be a much better world if more married couples were as deeply in love as they are in debt.

Always remember, money isn't everything - but also remember to make a lot of it before talking such fool nonsense.

One way to get high blood pressure is to go mountain climbing over molehills.

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

A vacation is what you take when you can no longer take what you've been taking.

You may not be able to read a doctor's handwriting and prescription, but you'll notice his bills are neatly typewritten.

A baseball game is simply a nervous breakdown divided into nine innings.

Today, there are three kinds of people: the haves, the have-nots, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-haves.

Golf is a lot of walking, broken up by disappointment and bad arithmetic.

Most of us cling to life as if our existence were a result of our deed or choice.

Always put your comfortable position on the horizon. Constantly seek to achieve it but also realize you can never reach there.

Everybody makes mistakes, but when goalkeepers make them, it is costly. That's the nature of being a goalkeeper.

Carbon zero simply means that the emissions you are releasing either are zero or balance out to zero.

If you're more susceptible to interruption, you do more out of the box thinking.

one of the good things about being a woman is that my level of testosterone poisoning is lower than most men's.

From a good book, I want to be taken to the very edge. I want a glimpse into that outer darkness.

No wonder Sherlock Holmes did all that coke. Math is hard.

Always wanted to be a Major League player. Loved baseball. Followed it. Loved to play. Plus, I could always hit.

When you say you're doing an opera, it's like when you're a seven-year-old and say, 'I'm off to Washington, Dad.' You kind of go, 'Sure. Sure you are, son.'