Gotta protect the little dudes. I tried an AK-47, but it wouldn't fit under my seat. I like the Uzi better, anyway. It looks better with the dress. The AK seems too casual to me

You're a marshmallow. Soft and sweet and when you get heated up you go all gooey and delicious."-

I shot that sucker right in the gumpy." Grandma Mazur

The 'Barnaby' books were always intended to be graphic novels.

I'm done with men. I have a hamster. That's all I need.

When I was six years old I sprinkled sugar on my head, convinced myself it was pixie dust, wished myself invisible, and walked into the boys' bathroom at school.

My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco.

Calories don’t count if they’re connected to a celebration. Everyone knows this.

-You're gloating, Max. It's not flattering. Somebody needs to teach you a little humility.- -A good woman could do that.- -She'd have to be armed and dangerous.-

Its always nice to have a stud muffin at the table.

Only men you can count on these days are Ben and Jerry.

Life is story, until I realized life as sacred.

Happiness is a state of mental, physical and spiritual well-being. Think pleasantly, engaged sport and read daily to enhance your well-being.

In masturbation there is nothing but loss.

To me thinking outside the box means; crossing disciplines and pulling in expertise and perspective from outside of the standard boundaries.

Even in a fake democracy, people ought to get what they want once in a while.

I turn into a crying, hysterical maniac when I see a spider. It's pathetic.

Writing a book is a very lonely business. You are totally cut off from the rest of the world, submerged in your obsessions and memories.

Dissatisfied with what I am, I want to be a better man.

I didn't want to be an actress. I wanted to be a dentist, but you never know what life will bring you.

In the discharge of duties my guide will be the Constitution, which I this day swear to preserve, protect, and defend.