Grandparenthood is one of life's rewards for surviving your own children.

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.

When my kids become wild and unruly, I use a nice, safe playpen. When they're finished, I climb out.

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed.

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.

Feed two birds with one crumb.

That's what this country needs -- more books!

In what concerns you much, do not think that you have companions: know that you are alone in the world.

To find elegant souls, you must wander in the elegant places!

The emptiness where I used pain to fill the hole no longer controls me, no longer calls me because of you.

The word responsibility is right, and doing everything you can to educate yourself and learn and be aware.

A half century of living should put a good deal into a person's face besides a few wrinkles and some unwelcome folds around the chin.

Generally, cars were not built to sit on dealer lots. It encourages the wrong kind of behavior in the whole system.

I'm underrated, don't fit on nobody's playlist / If I ain't in your top 10, then you're a racist.

Let the fruition of things bless the possession of them, and take no satisfaction in dying but living rich.