Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, and small people talk about wine.

In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra.

Think before you speak. Read before you think.

My favorite animal is steak.

The conversational overachiever is someone whose grasp exceeds his reach. This is possible but not attractive.

A hobby is, of course, an abomination, as are all consuming interests and passions that do not lead directly to large, personal gain.

As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you.

Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.

There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

The dysfunction was not the character of one person, it was the split of family by divorce, with the ripples felt for eternity by bloodline.

How long can you tread water?

Life itself is selfless giving. We're not given this life just for own amusement and pleasures.

The art of living is to enjoy what we can see and not complain about what remains in the dark.

So I have this word for much of what I do in life: 'plorking.' I'm not playing and I'm not working, I'm plorking.

I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.

I admire Obama, and I like him. I think he has a great deal of talent. He should be applauded for his eloquence and for his ability to motivate millions.

Life is no way to treat an animal.

The best thing about humour is that it shows people they are not alone.

Will we act upon life, or will we merely be acted upon?