Great, they give blind kids guns," I said, trying to lessen his horror. "I don't even let Iggy have a gun. Usually.

Good memories are like charms...Each is special. You collect them, one by one, until one day you look back and discover they make a long, colorful bracelet.

Your mind creates your reality. If you expect nothing, you open up the universe to give you options. If you expect the worst, you usually get it.

A friend of mine once defined love as finding someone you can talk to late into the night

Some poeple just don't have what it takes to appreciate a cookie.

Oh great. Yoda captured us.

Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)

They call me, The Sharkalator

At that moment I had no mind to change, or not change, or throw against the nearest wall.

I don't get a chance to be funny with the thrillers. I like to be funny, and I think I am really funny. So with 'Middle School: The Worst Years of My Life', it was fun to let loose.

I had to give him props, but how annoying of him to be a hero when I was trying so hard to dislike him. It was downright selfish.

It is the oldest ironies that are still the most satisfying: man, when preparing for bloody war, will orate loudly and most eloquently in the name of peace.

If God gave Dad Alzheimer’s, He’s got to understand when Dad forgets what church he belongs to.

What we need is more sense of the wonder of life and less of this business of making a picture.

I already knew that I had the ability to free myself from hatred, and I viewed this as my most significant conquest.

The essence of a university is free and open inquiry, and when it loses that it is no longer a university.

Delta: We never make the same mistake three times.

For God, nothing is impossible. And, if he wanted, in the future women would give birth from their ears.

She's so hairy - when she lifted up her arm I thought it was Tina Turner in her armpit.

I applied to be an astronaut four times. I was rejected three times before I was accepted. So, it's about that, not - following your dream and not giving up.

Kids look up to me. I'm not saying I make my music for kids, I do what I feel, its just a self reflection of how I am as a person and it relates to a lot of people.