Greg starts a middle school and asks: Why is "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And says people need to shave twice a day.

... no matter how nice you are to some people, they'll turn their back on you the second they get the chance.

Because it's our choices that makes us who we are.

I think if everyone would write down the funny stories from their own childhoods, the world would be a better place.

You can't expect everyone to have the same dedication as you.

I'm probably something like 95% chicken nugget

See, when you're a little kid, nobody ever warns you that you've got an expiration date. One day you're hot stuff and the next day you're a dirt sandwich.

So I've started wearing sweatpants to bed because I really don't need Santa seeing me in my underwear.

I labored for eight years thinking that I was writing a book for adults that was a nostalgic look back on childhood. Then my publisher informed me I'd written a children's book.

I'm having a seriously hard time getting used to the fact that summer is over and I have to get out of bed every morning to go to school.

Well, the problem is, it's not easy for me to think of ways to improve myself, because I'm pretty much one of the best people I know.

You don't have to reinvent the wheel... just steal the hubcaps.

Strivers achieve what dreamers believe.

I love to unwind and watch movies, especially those from the classic black-and-white era.

Words are such uncertain things, they so often sound well but mean the opposite of what one thinks they do.

It is not so hard to be original, what is hard, is to be original with continuity.

Checkers taught me that a King is a man with another man on top of him. But life taught me that that's actually called a Queen.

There is no right in acting.

It's the only way we can lose, irrespective of the result.

I keep both eyes on my man. The basket hasn't moved on me yet.

The sky's the limit for all Americans if we have the right kind of leadership.