Groucho: You know I think you're the most beautiful woman in the world? Woman: Really? Groucho: No, but I don't mind lying if it gets me somewhere.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them...well I have others.

If you find it hard to laugh at yourself, I would be happy to do it for you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

[He] may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot.

They call her love, love, love, love, love. She is love, and she is all I need.

Nature is cruel. Isn't that right, Daddy? Every living thing has to die. And they're still beautiful. Now they'll stay that way.

Without constructive skepticism, without human progress.

Whenever you want to marry someone, go have lunch with his ex-wife

Go to the Martin Beck Theatre and watch Katherine Hepburn run the gamut of emotions from A to B.

I love different folks.

The soul yearns to fly home on the wings of love to the world of ideas. It longs to be freed from the chains of the body.

I don't read blogs but occasionally people tell me about what they contain, and I do take questions that come from blogs.

A gentleman will walk but never run.. it takes a man to suffer ignorance and smile.. be yourself no matter what they say.

Persecution is a bad and indirect way to plan religion.