Growing up as a comedian, the first thing you dream of is having your own album, but even more than that, I always wanted that hour special on cable.

The thing is - I'm not an idiot. I'm rather intelligent, as proven by the fact that I just used the word 'rather' in a sentence.

Michael Jackson's charity efforts? Mmm. I'm sure they have nothing to do with his molestation charges.

I was told by a physician to avoid any line of work where people need to, um, depend on me for anything.

The Smurf village was destroyed weeks ago and Bush has still not made an appearance. George Bush doesn't care about tiny blue people.

America may be entering it’s Michael Jordan on the Wizards period.

There comes a point where the disappointments in your life accrue faster than you can find external forces to blame them on.

I haven't had a drink in twelve days and I've gotta say, I'm pretty shocked at how boring people are.

I used to play bass for a while and got to the point where I was good enough to be in a shitty band.

You rarely hear anyone use the word pancreas in a not-horrible context.

Canada, or as i call them, America Light.

Any time you get two people in a room who disagree about anything, the time of day, there is a scene to be written. That's what I look for.

Eighteen years ago, my left knee I hurt. I've never had a knee injury in the pros.

It's incredible to be working with Mr Armani and his team at Emporio Armani. I feel an affinity to the brand ethos and have been a long time admirer of their designs.

It is a device of mine never to grudge trouble in the pursuit of what seems to me really good and never to grudge payment for it afterwards.

I want to get into producing and writing more for myself - setting up my own films and seeing what kind of personal touch I can put on movies, as opposed to just being in them.

Call me bored, but don't call me boring.

The authors of book reviews would consider themselves dishonored were they to mention, as they should, the subject of the book.

People go into things for the wrong reasons.

It is a great help for a man to be in love with himself. For an actor, however, it is absolutely essential.

Something taken off the page can sound great, I guess. Usually it doesn't. It seems like lately Pitchfork is trying to champion lyric writers more.