Growing up in the 70s and 80s, it took effort to be a nerd. You had to seek out the nerd stuff.

We're not in an information age anymore. We're in the information management age.

Nerds get caught up in minutiae, because there is a tremendous and fulfilling sense of control in understanding every single detail of a thing more than any other living creature.

Bowling is all physics and energy distribution. It's F = ma. So it is actually one of the most science-y sports, because it literally is just a ball and a surface and objects to knock down.

When you hang around a lot of comedians long enough, you realize there's a certain gene, in every comedian. It's why we get hyper-analytical about things.

I do seem like the kind of guy who'd be obsessive about Rubik's Cubes.

No matter what tricks you use or what decisions you make, go easy on yourself as someone who's on a never-ending quest for improvement.

Steal moments of happiness if you have to, and then collect them until they are the dominant images in your psyche.

I almost think of nerd brains as rattlesnake venom; like, you can milk it. You can milk the pulpy venom out of the nerd brain and use it for good if you want to.

Humans cannot produce viable offspring with our closest animal cousin: the chimpanzee. We cannot impregnate a chimp. So you know what that means? No condoms.

I've gone from being bullied by jocks as a kid to being bullied by nerds as an adult.

We are sentenced to die the day we are born.

Earth changes but thy soul and God stand sure.

My idea of heaven is a place where the Tyne meets the Delta, where folk music meets the blues.

By helping others, you will learn how to help yourselves.

The perfect fascist state needs to operate in conditions of perpetual warfare. Have you ever noticed how the world has been in constant crisis since World War II?

We only see what we want to see, and hear what we want to hear

Does anyone know a word that rhymes with shark?

The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet.

Certain people who care about me a lot have said 'You don't play the game, and if you don't play the game, you don't get picked for the team all the time.

It's really easy to figure out why I love what I love, the holidays and food. I know the difference between having them and not having them.