Growing up there are always those kids who are only happy when they are making someone else upset. That is unfortunately just how some people are. Some people are just born with bad wiring.

The idea of, 'The journey is the destination' is put into action by browsing in an indie record store. Besides, a human being is a much better guide than a 'More Like This' link on the internet.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'

If you hit a midget on the head with a stick, he turns into 40 gold coins.

I want to experience as many different tastes, sights, emotions, conflicts, and cultures as possible, so that I can expand the canvas of my memory and enrich my comedy.

Is it bad when you refer to all alcohol as "Pain Go Bye-Bye Juice"?

I fantasize and idealize myself as Bugs Bunny, but I know deep down I'm Daffy Duck.

You have to be ruthless with yourself, in terms of being honest about what is working and what is not.

Meal isn't over when I'm full. Meal's over when I hate myself.

I hate all sidekicks.

I identify myself as a stand-up first. Even though lately there's been an explosion of acting on my schedule.

As a physician, I try to heal the mind before healing the body. That’s why most of my patients get better even before they start any medication.

I tried not to stare at his body because I already knew it was good. Instead I focused on his eyes.

The loneliness you get by the sea is personal and alive. It doesn't subdue you and make you feel abject. It's stimulating loneliness.

How could an idiotic universe have produced creatures whose mere dreams are so much stronger, better, subtler than itself?

You've been hurt before, I can see it in your eyes. You try to smile it away, some things you can't disguise.

every short story is an experiment - what one must ask is not only, did it come off, but was it, as an experiment, worth making?

I tried to drown my sorrows, but the bastards learned how to swim, and now I am overwhelmed by this decent and good feeling.

I like doing stuff with my friends.

A man must cling to the belief that the incomprehensible is comprehensible; otherwise he would not try to fathom it.

The whole world is a large Niepokalanow where the Father is God, the mother the Immaculata, the elder brother the Lord Jesus in all the tabernacles of the world, and the younger brothers the people.