Guy on the plane I'm on has a text alert that sounds like a gunshot... And he isn't putting it on vibrate.

Here's a guy that when he puts his contacts in, he can see better.

Everything is awesome... Everything is cool when you're a part of a team.

I love John Madden, because he makes me feel smart.

I don't know if you can tell, but I grew up watching a lot of television.

Kim Kardashian is single again. Hey, great. Maybe that will give the NBA players something to do during the lockout.

Speaking of Quarterback nicknames, you hear they're calling Jay Cutler 50 cent? Because you only get two quarters out of him.

I made the grandkids laugh. John Madden finally liked me!

Jay Leno's the only guy on earth who could have a bobble head made of him that would bobble less than his actual head.

I was always working, so I would get reading done very late at night a lot of times.

I chose Journalism by default. I always loved TV, and I had no idea what else to do, so I studied what interested me.

Real love, the Bible says, instinctively desires permanence.

If we don’t know who we are, we conceal our true selves and bear their brand

Mam said I was growing up. I felt that I was dying.

I became the messenger who had to be killed

Now that I have children, I realize taking care of my children is more fun than anything in the whole world.

All you need to know about Arafat was that he insisted on wearing a pistol when he addressed the UN General Assembly. And all you need to know about the UN, I suppose, is that they let him.

If you wish to get hold of the invisible you must penetrate as deeply as possible into the visible.

When I'm not working, I like to be comfortable. I do like to dress smart, but comfort is important.

Rowing is a simple sport stuffed up by experts

With the tears a Land hath shed. Their graves should ever be green.