Guys play characters that won't grow up and something catastrophic happens and they have to grow up to save the day - that's pretty much what today's comedy is about.

There are only three things women need in life: food, water, and compliments.

Right now, my job is that I'm like an ambulance chaser. I've got to look for movies with white guys falling out of them.

Everyone has favorite criminals. Mine are pimps. We can all rob a bank; we can all sell drugs. Being a pimp is a whole other thing.

So, to say Barack Obama is progress is saying that he's the first black person that is qualified to be president. That's not black progress. That's white progress.

Wealth is not about having a lot of money; it's about having a lot of options.

The advantage that my children have is that my children are encountering the nicest white people that America has ever produced. Let’s hope America keeps producing nicer white people.

I don't get high, but sometimes I wish I did. That way, when I messed up in life I would have an excuse. But right now there's no rehab for stupidity.

Most people don't realize this, but you can eat organic, all natural, gluten-free food without telling everyone around you.

Smart is knowing if you're dumb. Knowing when to shut up and to listen to people that are smarter than you.

You know the world is messed up when the tallest man in the NBA is Chinese, the best golfer is black, and the best rapper is white.

How can you read and talk at the same time?” I asked.“Well, I usually can’t, but neither the book nor the conversation is particularly intellectually challenging.

No law can be sacred to me but that of my nature. Good and bad are but names very readily transferable to that or this.

Well, clearly not. Goodness boss, just look at those filthy paws. I’ve never seen any fish carry paws like those. Usually they are cleaner.

As far as I can tell, most actors' main motivation is self-doubt and neuroses.

Asking good questions is half of learning.

It's so fun to be in love... or so I've heard, The meaning has no feeling even though I understand the word...

I'm old, but I'm still cute and strong. And very butch.

I'd love to retire somewhere like Winchester, where you have one foot on the pavement but a sense of being in the country as well.

I'm kind of bipolar in my acting choices because I just want to do a little bit of everything.

When it comes to anything that's social, whether it's your family, your school, your community, your business or your country, winning is a team sport.