HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE MANAGED TO INVENT BOREDOM. (Death)

The Auditors fluttered anxiously. And, as always happens in their species when something goes radically wrong and needs fixing instantly, they settled down to try to work how who was to blame.

There is always time for another last minute

OH, THERE HAS TO BE SOMETHING IN THE STOCKING THAT MAKES A NOISE, said Death. OTHERWISE, WHAT IS 4:30 A.M. FOR?

IT'S THE EXPRESSION ON THEIR LITTLE FACES I LIKE, said the Hogfather. "You mean sort of fear and awe and not knowing whether to laugh or cry or wet their pants?" YES. NOW THAT IS WHAT I CALL BELIEF.

Hello, inner child, I'm the inner babysitter!

Some things are fairly obvious when it's a seven-foot skeleton with a scythe telling you them

Dullness. Only humans could have invented it. What imaginations they had.

YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES."So we can believe the big ones?"YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.

It's supposed to be jolly, with mistletoe and holly... and other things ending in olly.

If these town gods can't detect the thieves who steal from their own temples, it's hardly likely they'll tell me who stole my spade.

The Popish theory, which assumes that Christ, the Apostles and believers, constituted the Church while our Saviour was on earth, and this organization was designed to be perpetual.

Strange is the influence of Marx on character.

Belief does not change what is.

When I read a script, I have to see the funny, and if I can see it's funny, it helps me to be able to transmit that.

[ Iraq and Afghanistan] don't get better, they only get worse. Bombing them has only enabled them to grow and multiply.

Faith's only function is to receive what grace offers.

As far as I know, there's nothing more dangerous than a man who doesn't care if he lives or dies.

Love has both its gall and honey in abundance: it has sweetness to the taste, but it presents bitterness also to satiety.

Is birth always a fall?