Ha! Easy for nuns to talk about giving up things. That's what they do for a living.

Welcome to Lake Wobegon, where all the women are strong, all the men are good-looking, and all the children are above average.

Anyone who thinks sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.

It was luxuries like air conditioning that brought down the Roman Empire. With air conditioning their windows were shut, they couldn't hear the barbarians coming.

Even in a time of elephantine vanity and greed, one never has to look far to see the campfires of gentle people.

A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.

Thank you, God, for this good life and forgive us if we do not love it enough.

The highlight of my childhood was making my brother laugh so hard that food came out of his nose.

Be well, do good work, and keep in touch.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway.

Beauty isn't worth thinking about; what's important is your mind. You don't want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head. ~Garrison Keillor

The spirit of a man shall sustain him in his sick bed.

Resurrect the dreams that you allowed to be killed by those who never dare to dream

She'd been fed anti-consumerist bullshit by her parents but didn't understand simple economics.

I can't understand God and I can't understand myself, so there's no chance in hell that I'm going to understand you!

The day when two army corps can annihilate each other in one second, all civilized nations, it is to be hoped, will recoil from war and discharge their troops.

I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens.

If you put that straight jacket on me, I am going to pull your endocrine system out of your body.

From the heart of this fountain of delights wells up some bitter taste to choke them even amid the flowers.

If you're in control, you're not going fast enough.

Love is generally confused with dependence; but in point of fact, you can love only in proportion to your capacity for independence.