Had I become a priest, the sermons would've been electric!

There's a domino effect with certain things you say.

I'm getting positive feedback for my acting so we'll see if any other interesting parts come up.

It is easy for me to love myself, but for ladies to do it is another question altogether.

We had a week off in the middle of shooting, but as soon as everyone stopped, we all went down with six different types of flu and other unmentionable diseases.

With stand-up you've just got that one chance. Audiences can be quite fickle.

My forte is playing drunks down the ages. When my agent rings me about a role, I don't ask what the part is, but what century it's in.

I used to be good with kids, but as I get older, I'm grumpy and terrible with them. As for doing a gig at a 6-year old's birthday party, you couldn't pay me enough.

When I wasn't as attractive as I am now, I suffered at the hands of cruel children and their taunts until I realised that confidence and a bit of aesthetic care can overcome that.

I love the way my weight fluctuates in the newspapers. It was 18 stone and then people look at a bad picture of me and add a few more stone on. I think the highest was 22 stone.

They look outside the windows of their apartment in town and realize they're not living in a terrace anymore. This is a room full of dreamers who like to go to London for a day.

If you think it's funny to make fun of the "used car salesman, " you better only buy new and never sell your car. Just sayin.

Sometimes just getting through each day requires almost superhuman strength.

Most Religions are Social Clubs with expensive Entertainment Cheap Wine and Stale Crackers

Hate is a door with hundred locks and love is a hand with thousand keys!

There is no such thing as liberty. You only change one sort of domination for another. All we can do is to choose our master.

Men must work, and women must weep.

I like when people get really close to the paintings, when they can't really get away from them, I like them to operate in that way on the viewer.

It's not hard to make a space that looks good by itself. The trick is to craft a room that's even more attractive when it's occupied. That's when it becomes magical.

I would never attack somebody only because they belong to a different party.