Half the battle is that people have to like you before you say one joke, one bit of humor.

Italians are fantastic people, really. They can work you over in an alley while singing an opera.

No matter where you go in this world, you will always find a Jew sitting in the beach chair next to you.

I think if I took therapy, the doctor would quit. He'd just pick up the couch and walk out of the room.

When you enter a room, you have to kiss his ring. I don't mind, but he has it in his back pocket.

When you stand alone and sell yourself, you can't please everyone. But when you're different, you can last.

Who picks your clothes - Stevie Wonder?

I always rib people, but nobody ever gives me a hard time. I don't know why. Maybe they're afraid of what I might say. There's probably a lesson in that somewhere, but I don't know what it is.

Yeah, I make fun of blacks, and why not? I'm not a black.

I used to play golf. I wanted to be a better player, but after a while I realized I'd always stink. And that's when I really started to enjoy the game.

Some people say funny things - but I say things funny.

Changing your attitude, your outlook, your mindset, perspective, disposition, or mood—they all mean controlling where you allow your thoughts to linger.

Hard work without talent is a shame, but talent without hard work is a tragedy

Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there I go to work.

There is still nothing like equality for women in jobs, in family. There's just an awareness that inequality is not acceptable.

There is no form of prose more difficult to understand and more tedious to read than the average scientific paper.

I'm obsessed with fuzz pedals.

Athletics is a great sport with many different events and athletes come in all shapes and sizes. I'm one of the smallest athletes on the track. They call me the 'pocket rocket'.

I'm for Simpson-Bowles. It doesn't raise taxes, it closes loopholes and takes the money we would give to a few people and put it on the debt.

I'd like to think you don't stop being creative once you get happy.

A little revolution is a good thing.