Halloween's coming. Kids get very imaginative in my neighborhood. Last year, three kids showed up as Goldman Sachs executives and demanded 4.5 billion pieces of candy.

According to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man's best friend is his dog.

Here's something to think about: How come you never see a headline like 'Psychic Wins Lottery'?

The Supreme Court has ruled that they cannot have a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. This wasn't for any religious reasons. They couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

Today is Valentine's Day - or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day!

You can't stay mad at somebody who makes you laugh.

Politics is just show business for ugly people.

CNN found that Hillary Clinton is the most admired woman in America. Women admire her because she's strong and successful. Men admire her because she allows her husband to cheat and get away with it.

I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, 'I'd like some fries.' The girl at the counter said, 'Would you like some fries with that?'

Bush reiterated his stand to conservatives opposing his decision on stem cell research. He said today he believes life begins at conception and ends at execution.

Magic Johnson, former basketball player, may run for mayor of L.A. in the next election. Remember the good 'ol days when only qualified people ran for office like actors and professional wrestlers.

The solemn pledge to abstain from telling the truth was called socialist realism.

Whom hatred frights, let him not dream of sovereignty.

Take heed lest you stumble.

The advantage of literature over life is that its characters are clearly defined, and act consistently.

My step-dad is probably the greatest man I've ever known. The best advice I've ever been given was when he told me to enjoy my life because one day I'm not going to be as agile as I am now.

One of the things I would love to do is Axe Cop, which is a comic book. I would like to be involved in Axe Cop someday. I would also love to be in a Western.

One must know not just how to accept a gift, but with what grace to share it.

I just wanna live the moment and just take every moment and embrace it because life is short.

It's not that I'm sick of the theater, don't get me wrong. I'm just tired of the commitment.

Reality whistles a different tune underwater.