Halloween: the day each year when strangers give you even more specific reasons to dislike them based on what they are wearing.

I bought a cactus. A week later it died. And I got depressed, because I thought, Damn. I am less nurturing than a desert.

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

I wear dark sunglasses when I want my head to look more like a limousine.

The clothes make the man. The children working in sweatshops make the clothes. Therefore, the children working in sweatshops make the man.

A lot of people like lollipops. I don't like lollipops. To me, a lollipop is hard candy plus garbage. I don't need a handle. Just give me the candy.

Earrings are the same as sneezes: Two is okay, but ten in a row is annoying. If you have two then, God bless you.

The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.

The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.

A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws, only catapults.

If the world loves you, question your relationship with Jesus Christ. John 15:18-25.

In cross-examination as in fishing nothing is more ungainly than a fisherman pulled into the water by his catch.

And I always like to stress, it's not a quota, not a set-aside, it's not about race, it's about giving opportunities to demonstrate their abilities to do work with the Federal Government.

Perfect joy lies in selflessly striving for the best outcome, and then humbly accepting whatever God gives.

The sand stones had fragments of charcoal on some surfaces but found no recognisable fossils.

Faith is not so much a binary pole as a quantum state, which tends to indeterminacy when closely examined.

If you hear a "prominent" economist using the word 'equilibrium,' or 'normal distribution,' do not argue with him; just ignore him, or try to put a rat down his shirt.

People going into the cities for the opportunities and the towns are getting older, no young people.

Better than honor and glory, and History's iron pen, Was the thought of duty done and the love of his fellow-men.

The world is the expanding Greece and Greece is the shrinking world.