Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.

Treat employees like partners, and they act like partners.

What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement.

Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars.

I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.

Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.

A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.

The first time I sang in the church choir; two hundred people changed their religion.

Cocktail party: A gathering held to enable forty people to talk about themselves at the same time. The man who remains after the liquor is gone is the host.

Television is a triumph of equipment over people, and the minds that control it are so small that you could put them in a gnat's navel with room left over for two caraway seeds and an agent's heart.

Gossip was usually a mindless distraction from a far too serious world.

I will never write a sequel to anything that I will ever write.

Only by pursuing the extremes in one's nature, with all its contradictions, appetites, aversions, rages, can one hope to understand a little - oh, I admit only a very little - of what life is about.

In terms of stories I would buy for a science fiction magazine, if they take place in the future, that might do it.

If you're a man in your twenties or thirties, and you have yet to make your fortune, I would urge you not to get married.

The opening of your hearts to receive the Lord Jesus Christ is not a work done by any power of your own, but the arm of the Lord is revealed therein.

I like movies I can relate to.

But sometimes everything I write with the threadbare art of my eye seems a snapshot

Shine like the whole universe is yours.

Honestly, it’s so easy to get what you want from people if they think you’re a psycho.