Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman - or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

I honestly think it is better to be a failure at something you love than to be a success at something you hate.

You know you're getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.

There's an old saying, 'Life begins at forty.' That's silly. Life begins every morning you wake up.

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

I love to sing, and I love to drink scotch. Most people would rather hear me drink scotch.

I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name's not there, I eat breakfast.

I never had any doubts about my abilities. I knew I could write. I just had to figure out how to eat while doing this., New York Times, April 19, 1992]

Death waits for no man - and if he does, he doesn't usually wait for very long.

The thing is, I don't even hate cops. To tell you the truth, I actually feel a little sorry for them.

When it's right it's never too late, when it's wrong it's always too soon

I realize that protest paintings are not exactly in vogue, but I've done many.

So let the storm rage. Let the storm rage.

We should be a mirror of being: we are God in miniature.

They're always saying I'm a capitalistic pig. I suppose I am. But... it's good for my drumming.

Strength is not nearly as important as desire. I don't think you can teach anyone desire. I think it's a gift. I don't know why I have it, but I do.

We always want the best man to win an election. Unfortunately, he never runs.