Happiness: an agreeable sensation arising from contemplating the misery of another.

Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.

The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.

War is God's way of teaching Americans geography.

In our civilization, and under our republican form of government, intelligence is so highly honored that it is rewarded by exemption from the cares of office.

Mayonnaise: One of the sauces which serve the French in place of a state religion.

Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.

Spring beckons! All things to the call respond; the trees are leaving and cashiers abscond.

NEPOTISM, n. Appointing your grandmother to office for the good of the party.

Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.

Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to her patron - namely, that he is a blockhead.

Baseball, of all sports, and maybe of all human endeavors, has no room for cynicism.

The movie that changed my life, ' he liked to say, by which he meant that it had changed his wardrobe.

I have no expectation of making a hit every time I come to bat.

We are so obsessed with doing that we have no time and no imagination left for being. As a result, men are valued not for what they are but for what they do or what they have - for their usefulness.

Those who are already feeling the effects of climate change don't have time to deny it - they're busy dealing with it.

You can't keep an exciting fashion down.

Don't treat your customers like a bunch of purses and wallets.

God finally caught his eye.

If your mind is tired, go get work in the fields!

[Their love] had burned itself out, like a forgotten candle in an empty room, leaving behind a ravenous discontent.