Happiness is a carnival game. It's never as easy as it looks, but the dumb ones always seem to be walking around with a big stuffed animal.

If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.

Life is what you make of it, unless you have tourette's, in which case much becomes involuntary.

If space suits looked less like marshmallows, I'd be more interested in going to the moon.

Cupcakes are the tattooed brunette chick of the baked goods world.

Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.

Met someone who works at the zoo. Apparently the panda is a nasty animal.

It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.

Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.

Insecurity is like herpes. It's not going anywhere. May as well learn to laugh at it.

Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.

Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.

But I am not allowed to forgetThe taste of the tears of yesterday.

The best advice I've received is to be yourself. The best artists do that.

Guilt is anger directed at ourselves - at what we did or did not do. Resentment is anger directed at others - at what they did or did not do.

I used to be shy about ordering a steak after I had eaten a steak sandwich, but I got used to it.

The more simple we are, the more complete we become.

Without Christ there would be no Christmas and without Christ there can be no fulness of JOY

We must guard against becoming so engrossed in the specific nature of the roots and bark of the trees of knowledge as to miss the meaning and grandeur of the forest they compose.

The capture of Saddam has not made America safer.

Mixing in some rusty oranges is a warm way to update your place for fall.