Happy Endings are an illusion. Real life is filled with brief moments of fleeting happiness, but ultimately every life is a tragedy that ends in death and grief.

Dogs are like kids. Cats are like roommates.

It's better to dance like a fool, than to stand around like an idiot.

You only live once, so enjoy the ride.

A cow's heaven is a flower's idea of hell.

Life is like the ocean. You can either be the ball floating on the waves, or make your own waves.

Books like Twilight are not art. They are mass-produced crap that is meant to be consumed by the widest possible audience, for the largest possible profit.

Some guys like to undermine a girl's self-esteem with little verbal jabs. Eventually it all adds up. One bee sting doesn't hurt a horse, but enough bee stings can kill a horse.

Good things you have to make happen. Bad things happen all by themselves.

Dogs will give you unconditional love until the day they die. Cats will make you pay for every mistake you've ever made since the day you were born.

A fish tank is just interactive television for cats.

The road to success in life is never an individual battle but a collective effort.

I'm not really big on slapstick humor. I like gentle humor.

This is the mark of a really admirable man: steadfastness in the face of trouble.

The care of God for us is a great thing, if a man believe it at heart: it plucks the burden of sorrow from him.

A woman driver went through a red light. The cop stopped her and said, Lady, didn't you see that red light? The woman said, You've seen one, you've seen them all.

The only goal right now that I can have, the only thing I can offer right now, is the need to get good at music, do something with quality.

Former Olympians also get paid to make appearances. Many of them won their medals in an era when Olympic success didn't go hand-in-hand with financial success.

It is in the darkness that one finds the light.

Join not with grief, fair woman, do not so, To make my end too sudden.