Happy Thanksgiving, everyone. I'm thankful for all of you. I am not thankful for the pilgrims. Buckles should never be on hats.

Quotes are for dumb people who can't think of something intelligent to say on their own.

Once a week, I like to slip into a deep existential depression where I lose all my sense of oneness and self-worth.

I love you just the way you are but you don't see you like I do. You shouldn't try so hard to be perfect. Trust me, perfect should try to be you.

I saw a giraffe with a short neck That was sad Or a deer

If Jesus can walk on water, can he swim on land?

Laughter is the best medicine, y'know, besides medicine.

Squaring numbers are just like women. If they're under thirteen, just do them in your head.

If I had a dime for every time a homeless guy asked me for change, I'd still say no.

I stopped and I thought, 'What would Jesus do?' So I didn't exist.

Maybe life on earth could be heaven, doesn't just the thought of it make it worth a try?

She couldn't tell exactly where the words came from. What mattered was that they reached her. They arrived and kneeled next to her bed.

Employment is slavery. Workers merely have a choice over where to serve their daily eight-hour sentence.

Cooking is great, but the meal that has been prepared for you with love is the best.

I feel strangely normal.

Learning to love is hard and we pay dearly for it. It takes hard work and a long apprenticeship, for it is not just for a moment that we must learn to love, but forever.

I collect books, primarily first-edition 20th-century fiction.

There are a lot of things that American fans don't know about me yet! I would say they don't know me at all, but I guess that's great because now I have the chance to surprise them and make friends.

In an arch each single stone which, if severed from the rest, would be perhaps defenceless is sufficiently secured by the solidity and entireness of the whole fabric, of which it is a part.

A tiny fly can choke a big man.

I've noticed that even people who believe in fate look both ways before crossing the street.