Happy Valentine's Day! And if this is news to you, my guess is you're probably alone. Valentine's Day is often times a, well, it's a manufactured day that really doesn't mean anything.

You can truly grieve for every officer who's been lost in the line of duty in this country, and still be troubled by cases of police overreach.

I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.

There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!

We have it. The smoking gun. The evidence. The potential weapon of mass destruction we have been looking for as our pretext of invading Iraq. There's just one problem - it's in North Korea.

Religion. It's given people hope in a world torn apart by religion.

I've always liked Atlanta. And not just for the strip clubs, but the shopping and the food.

Yes, reason has been a part of organized religion, ever since two nudists took dietary advice from a talking snake.

I really like to put my name on everything, so my roommate doesn't steal it. It's really a throwback to that.

I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over.

If your regime is not strong enough to handle a joke, then you don't have a regime.

I'm all alone, but I'm not lonely.

May the light illuminate your hearts and shine in your life every day of the year. May everlasting peace be yours and upon our Earth.

Recognize the remarkable individuals in your life who help you envision a world far beyond yourself.

Generally speaking, there is more wit than talent in the world. Society swarms with witty people who lack talent.

There is no either / or between being competitive and collaborative. You have to be both and decide which in each situation.

Wrestling pretty much consumes my thoughts. I think for people that are really successful in this business, that's the way it is.

Divine service, being the high contemplation of the mind, is at the same time, and pre-eminently, the peace, the sweetness and blessedness of the heart.

When your silent, people recognize your greatness.

I would like new people with new ideas to come into it and change it.

Science is for those who learn; poetry, for those who know.