Hardware: This is the part of the computer that stops working when you spill beer on it.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Adele and Vladimir danced along the banks of the River Seine, the loveliness of spring a backdrop all around them.

The modern school without systematic lectures turns out many graduates who lack retention. No sooner has the sound of the word left their teacher's lips, the subject has been forgotten.

Teachers didn't like me very much. They thought I was just this punk kid and they always wanted to kick me out.

As far as writing, it's grown because I've really grown comfortable with who I am.

A Mormon is a man that has the bad taste and the religion to do what a good many other people are restrained from doing by conscientious scruples and the police.

What, and give him (the batter) a chance to think on my time.

Those who do good science do so because they choose problems that are suited to them.

Hoping and dreaming of a better world are not enough if we are unwilling to work - but when we work towards our dreams, wonderful things can happen.

The greatest empiricists among us are only empiricists on reflection: when left to their instincts, they dogmatize like infallible popes.

I don't really have anything to say. Basketball is not a game that you can play with your mouth. It needs action to prove yourself.