Harry Reid is not funny; he's creepy. Nancy Pelosi is creepy. Charles Schumer is sneaky and creepy.

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.

MTV is to music as KFC is to chicken!

I like coffee because it gives me the illusion that I might be awake.

There's no such thing as soy milk. It's soy juice.

Donald Trump came out as a birther, which is Republican for, 'I'm running for president.'

Elected officials shouldn’t get to choose who gets to choose elected officials.

If a group of people - leaders - can convince a group of folk who barely have a pot to piss in that the rich shouldn't be taxed-- THAT is leadership!

When it comes to idiots, America's got more than its fair share. If idiots were energy, it would be a source that would never run out.

You can never put too much pork in your mouth as far as I'm concerned.

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is, look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love, but in the height of flu season, it makes no sense.

You're the right colour for the Angel of Death, Mister Cale. But a little short.' 'I could cut your head off and stand on it. Then I'd be taller.

I had an abnormal heart, the kind that stretched like a rubber-band and weakened with every tug I allowed someone to have

Big food companies flatter us by telling us how busy we are and they simultaneously convince us that we are helpless. I am moderately busy, but not all that helpless. Neither are you.

Begging for love and charitising in turn.

For the longest time I didn't realize I was creative - I just thought I was strange.

Stryker was a company that allowed me, when I had my knee replaced and I got the Stryker GetAroundKnee put in, to get my career back and get my life back.

As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I'm kind of jaded on everyone else.

Could it be that by protecting our kids from unhappiness as children, we’re depriving them of happiness as adults?

White means the strength of fragility and the fragility of the passage of time.

The American Constitution declares 'All men are born equal.' The British Socialist Party add: 'All men must be kept equal'.