Have ye ever known a female who wasna a bit of a witch in her own sweet way?

A bear! I've landed on a wild and wicked bear!

What the feckin' hell is PMS, I'd like to ken?""Petty Male Shit, " she yelled.

Driving a stolen plane will be nothing compared to the ride with a fired-up Scot.

He was so damn hard, he could chip the ice from his truck's windshield with his rigid pecker.

I think...I shall call ye Beauty, for I shall be yer beast.

The little woman, wearing a pink and black zigzag-striped pantsuit over a black turtleneck, resembled a skinny zebra who'd OD'd on Pepto-Bismol.

Ye have taught me something I never understood.""What? How to get rid of Parisian Pink Pecker Disease?

If ye wear underwear, it's a skirt. If ye dinna, it's a kilt.

Leaders walk by faith, managers walk alone.

Look upon the world with wonder.

We are afraid to care too much, for fear that the other person does not care at all.

We use such big words to move nowhere.

Must I be carried to the skies on flowery beds of ease, while others fought to win the prize and sailed through bloody seas?

The limits of pleasure are as yet neither known nor fixed, and that we have no idea what degree of bodily bliss we are capable of attaining.

In a serious struggle there is no worse cruelty than to be magnanimous at an inopportune time.

Valentine's Day is the day all singletons like me dread

This is my chance to get out there and appease the fans of my music as well as show people that I do do standup comedy because a lot of people don't know that's where I started.

All children are born geniuses; 9,999 out of every 10,000 are swiftly, inadvertently degeniusized by grownups.