Have you been following the big oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico? Or as we call it now, the Dead Sea.

Next in importance to having a good aim is to recognize when to pull the trigger.

They say there are about 12 million illegal immigrants in this country. But if you ask a Native American, that number is more like 300 million.

Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?

I feel like Bush presidencies are like "Godfather" films. You should stop at two.

I was Christmas shopping and ran into a guy on the street. I noticed his watch and said that it runs slow. He said, "So does the guy I stole it from."

President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know? some of these jokes just write themselves.

Way too much coffee. But if it weren't for the coffee, I'd have no identifiable personality whatsoever.

Somebody threw a book at President Obama. If you're trying to scare a president by throwing a book at him, you're one president too late.

Alone in my bedroom, I realized I couldn't remember the last time I'd truly laughed.

My experience is that it's precisely the ones who don't know what to do with this life who are all hot and bothered about what they are going to do with another life.

I would never take any of my cards off the table.

We must look at alternatives objectively, and not try to fit the future into our present social mould.

Being patient, feeling comfortable, taking my walks-that's part of my game.

If you can resolve this transition of [Bashar] Assad, that is absolutely possible, but you have to have a clarity for everybody about the way forward.

something in me had got broken, but not so broken I didn't remember what it was.

Whatever you give out in life is what you receive back in life. Give positivity, you receive back positivity; give negativity, you receive back negativity.

I'm an actor and my job is to interpret.

I want to accept myself completely, just as I am.