Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank even when you are the only person in line.

Women say they want a man who knows what a woman's worth. That's a pimp.

When you go to work, if your name is on the building, you're rich. If your name is on your desk, you're middle class. And if your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

The peculiar habit, when searching for a snack, of constantly returning to the refrigerator in hopes that something new will have materialized.

The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.

As an American, I'd like to apologize - for everything.

The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.

In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he is lonely.

FOOVIEW (foo' view) n. The ability of a dog to inflict guilt from any angle in the room while he watches his master eat.

Manhandling the open here spout on a milk carton so badly that one has to resort to using the illegal side.

Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.

Writers are a little below clowns and a little above trained seals.

Happiness does not completely depend on comforts or opulence. Even a pauper can be happier than a prince.

Every problem that is interesting is also soluble.

Writing a novel, I am making is an object that has a life and identity of its own, apart from me.

That was the deal basically: catatonia without; frenzy within

Studios are an assembly line. They can be a very good assembly line. As a producer, you concentrate on one project at a time. As an executive, you're in charge of a slate.

Spontaneous combustion IS a form of harm, Mr. D," Chiron put in.

My introduction to acting was through theatre, so I actually saw a couple of Broadway shows that made me want to be an actor.

It is possible that a man could live twice as long if he didn't spend the first half of his life acquiring habits that shortens the other half

What I have done is yours; what I have to do is yours; being part in all I have, devoted yours.