He could even think about how fast he was thinking about things.

You should definitely visit the Louvre, a world-famous art museum where you can view, at close range, the backs of thousands of other tourists trying to see the Mona Lisa.

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.

Thanks to modern medical advances such as antibiotics, nasal spray, and Diet Coke, it has become routine for people in the civilized world to pass the age of 40, sometimes more than once.

Thus the metric system did not really catch on in the States, unless you count the increasing popularity of the nine-millimeter bullet.

Reverence for greatness dies out, and is succeeded by base envy of greatness.

January is my favorite month, when the light is plainest, least colored. And I like the feeling of beginnings.

Everyone says that I have no sense of humor, then I construct a perfectly sound pun around a well-known psychological condition, and it is ignored.

The worst of our evils we blindly inflict upon ourselves; our officers cannot remove them, even if they would.

A gourmet can tell from the flavor whether a woodcock's leg is the one on which the bird is accustomed to roost.

Reality ensures that the end of history will never come.

Sometimes I think Texas exists as a reality check for those who might wander too far toward the precious.

For a person to feel responsible for his actions, he must sense that the behavior has flowed from the self.

As long as the Arabs fight tribe against tribe, so long will they be a little people, a silly people, greedy, barbarous and cruel.

Property is only another name for monopoly.