He found a new way to cover up his bad breath. He holds up his arms.

My psychiatrist told me I was crazy and I said I want a second opinion. He said okay, you're ugly too.

I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

If beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so is ugliness.

When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.

I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

My mother had morning sickness after I was born.

You know you're ugly when you go to the proctologist and he sticks his finger in your mouth.

The wise man reads both books and life itself.

The humblest tasks get beautified if loving hands do them.

I walked out of his room sure I'd said the right thing maybe not as a father but as a Dad. I'd said the right thing, for once in my life.

It ain't locked, till it's checked!

I do all kind of fun things when I'm unconscious.

I think photography has made us see the landscape in a very dull way - that's one of its effects. It's not spatial.

In a certain sense you deny the existence of this world. You explain life as a state of rest, a state of rest in motion.

It takes a lifetime to build tradition.

Hope isn't an abstract theory about where human aspirations end and the impossible begins; it's a never-ending experiment, continually expanding the boundaries of the possible.

You don't have to be loud. If you know what you want, people respect that.